Emperor Palpatine (3) vs. Alanis Morissette (14)

This doesn't feel right, thought erstwhile face of the angry woman movement Alanis Morissette (14). She had received a call to play a show - her first in years! - just the other week from someone who wouldn't give a name and insisted on paying in cash. The venue was one she wasn't familiar with (what sort of a name is the "Death Star" for a club, anyway?), and it was on short notice.

Still, a job was a job.

Yet now that she was here, something just felt wrong. Too wrong. She turned to head for the door, only to find someone blocking her way.

"Emperor Palpatine (3)?"

"You oughta know, Alanis."

With one hand in his pocket, and the other making a peace sign, the Emperor sent forth a gargantuan display of Force lightning, sending Alanis flying head over feet into the opposite wall. "How does it feel, Alanis?" Palpatine mocked, a terrifying smile on his face. "Eh. You live, you learn, I guess."

With an even more horrifying grin, Palpatine levitated a slew of boxes high over his head, turning them so Alanis could see what was written on them.

"Spoons," she said quietly.

"Ten thousand of them," cackled the Emperor. "And to think that all I need is a knife." He let the spoons crash down on her head, killing her instantly.

Isn't that ironic?

Final score: 7-2 (29-12)